Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Your Glass Is Half What?

By Deborah K. Martin sitting in for Crystal Laramore Lutz

This is Thanksgiving week, the start of the long holiday season which will encompass Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Ashura and I’m sure many others. Being a tried and true American I’m glad this season starts off in the United States with a celebration of abundance, cooperation and gratitude.

Getting together with family and friends over a very large, calorie laden, fragrant meal has always been one of my favorite things but it’s not the only thing I think about at this time in November. Each year I stop for some serious thought about what has happened in my life over the past 12 months. I think about how I could have made it better, about my own mistakes in judgment and wasted opportunities. It’s not a time for beating myself up, just doing an honest self-evaluation.

I also think a lot about the true blessings in my life and try to be consciously grateful for each one. Things like my wonderful children who really aren’t children anymore. My older son has 4 daughters of his own. My younger son has added a beautiful wife to his life this year. I’m grateful for my grandchildren and my siblings. My two brothers are especially precious to me. They are both great men with many talents. I love them dearly.

I’m grateful for wonderful friends who encourage me during the tough times and keep me grounded during the good ones. Especially Miss Crystal, who has been my buddy and soul-mate for many years. What a blessing she is. She makes me laugh, she encourages me, she curses the latest guy who has hurt me and she challenges me to be more. Thank you, honey.

All this thinking got me wondering about attitude. It is everything, isn’t it? Some bad things have happened in my life this year (and last year and the year before and the year before, you get the picture) but I still have the ability to be cheerful, happy and grateful. Now please, don’t think I’m patting myself on the back here. I’m just as human as the rest. There are days when I think my life just plain sucks. But that passes.

Why? Because I CHOOSE to let it pass. I CHOOSE to look on the bright side. I CHOOSE to learn from those sucky days. I think maybe I was born with this bent anyway, but I’ve had many opportunities over the years to keep making the choice to be happy and cheerful. You CAN make that a habit like any other habit.

This brings me to the “glass half full or empty” question. There are two men who, over the years, have been very dear to me, each for different reasons. One I have known for over 13 years. We became instant friends and over the years he has been a buddy, a mentor and spiritual guide for me. He is a very successful businessman who has built quite a nice life for himself and his family. Last week we found out he has a rare, incurable cancer. He may live a year. He may live ten. It’s devastating news for someone who was planning an early retirement in the hill country with his wife and his Harley. He said he has to find different dreams now, short term ones. He has his bad moments but all in all, he is handling this news with grace and dignity. His life will be full for however long he is here.

The other man I have known for about 5 years. He has been a friend, a playmate, a lover, a fiancĂ©. We’re no longer together as a couple but he calls every once in awhile. He also has been diagnosed with cancer. Prostate cancer. It seems to have spread to his kidneys, which is never good news, but still and all there are treatments and cures for his disease.

Like the first man, he is smart. He is also successful in his work. He has a loving family. He can still make me laugh. But none of that matters. He says his life is over. He’s done. He’s thinking seriously of not getting any treatment for his cancer. (Seriously? Give up? I can’t fathom that kind of thinking.) He says he’ll just live until he dies because he hates his life anyway. But would that be living? It’s not the disease that will kill him, but his attitude.

My first friend doesn’t just have a glass half full mentality. His glass is always overflowing, now as much as ever, just in different ways. My former fiancĂ©’s glass apparently has always been empty. (just one of the reasons we’re no longer together) Isn’t that an amazing difference? I draw a complete blank when trying to figure it out.

So what’s my point? It’s not to look at your life and say, “Oh thank God, I don’t have cancer so I’ll be extra grateful! Yippee! Aren’t I lucky?!” No. That doesn’t usually work with me. Sometimes I look at that other person’s life and still say, “Well, my life sucks anyway. What’s your point?!” My point is that even though I may feel that my life sucks in some temporary way, it’s my choice to stay stuck there or to adjust my mind and move on.

It’s a choice. Sometimes a pretty difficult one, I’ll grant you, but a choice nonetheless. Frankly, at my age I no longer dread those challenges because I’ve already been through enough of them to know I’ll not only survive them, I’ll learn something valuable I can pass along to others. Every challenge makes me more grateful. It gives me more hope. More faith. More strength. Not less.

Anyone reading this little article in this little paper is blessed beyond measure. You can read. You have enough income to buy a paper. You have enough brainpower to understand what you’re reading. You live in a country which allows someone like you to read the scribblings of someone like me. Likely you have someone who loves you. Maybe a lot of someones. You have friends. Perhaps you have a career which thrills you every day. Or maybe you’re facing challenges. Physical. Mental. Financial. Emotional.

This is a great week to count your blessings. I dare you. Write them out. One by one. Seriously. Don’t bother with the negative unless you just can’t help yourself. Write out everything you can think of. Not only your job or your health. How about being grateful for how sweet your child looks when he’s asleep. Or how about the smell of a pumpkin pie straight out of the oven? The fact that your dog wiggles all over whether you’ve been out of the room 5 minutes or 5 days? Hugs? Smiles? Double Stuff Oreos? Hearing someone says I love you. Or how about this one – automatic deposit of your paycheck. Cell phones so you’re never out of touch. Or maybe leaving the cell phone at home. Any golf course at 7:30 in the morning. And the perfect tee shot. Take nothing for granted.

Make your list. Then choose. Will you have an attitude of gratitude? Will your glass be half empty or half full?

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